19th July 2007.
It was just a normal day I got up and sorted Ryan and Shannon then took Ryan to school. Nearly the whole day had past and still no phone call from Ruth to say how things went with the midwife. Gave the kids their dinner and tidied up the kitchen, then the strangest thing my mum came over with no warning to drop few bits off. Sy took Ryan and Shannon up to bath them and get them ready for bed..Nothing could of ever prepare me for what was about to happen…
Ring Ring the phone… It was Ruth, its a bit of a blur not even sure what was said all I can remember is her telling me the baby has gone, I was in so much shock I put the phone down saying nothing I ran upstairs to where my mum was grabbed her and just cried saying “you have to take me to Ruth’s now, the baby has gone”. I had forgotten my little boy, who knew Auntie Ruth was having a bubba and was old enough to understand, was in the bath. I shouted to Sy I’m going to Ruth’s seeya when I see ya she needs me the baby has gone (ryans face looked broken).
I cried the whole way there in the car, I didn’t know what I was going to say or do. I got to the corner of the road and my mum stopped the car and told me Ruth needed me calm and brave so I had to sort myself out.
I walked in the door to be greated by a broken daddy on the phone pointing to the front room.. And if I thought I was not prepared before then I was never ever going to be prepared again.There she was my best friend broken and to my shock still with bump, it was then when she told me what was going to happen next.
I was so gutted not only had I been so excited Ruth and Graham were having another bubba I was even honoured enough to have spent 38 weeks understanding what Ruth wanted as I would of been there with her and Graham to meet the new baby at birth…
It was then that i made the worst mistake of my life….. I took the cowards way out and offered to have Amelia, this was for 2 reasons I was not sure if Ruth and Graham would want me there and also I was scared how it would affect me (if only I could turn the clock back).
I spent then rest of the night crying wondering how, why and most of all why my Ruth, then morning soon came and I was greated by a little boy asking me whats happened to Auntie Ruth’s baby, I’m not sure how I was so brave but I was and I managed to tell him Ruth and Graham’s baby is going to live with the angels in the sky,, it was then when he told me that my nanny and grandad will take care of her as they live with the angels too (so young yet so grown up)….
Things started moving on the early hours of 21st July, I was the lucky one who was kept busy by Ryan, Shannon and Amelia. I spent lots of time that day thinking could they be wrong, what if they wrong, I also felt a bit like I can’t believe it till I get another call. It was a waiting game with no answers.
At about 21:10 on 21/07/2007 I got the call I wanted but not the answer I wanted. Ruth had, had a little girl, a spit of her sister. I talked to Ruth who was holding Jessica at the time I had a friend at my house as she thought I needed someone there when the call came.
I asked Graham if Ruth wanted me there as I would of been there in a flash he was not sure, Ruth was so drugged and tired I didn’t want to push her and although i took the cowards way out by having Amelia I still would of been there in a flash.
Over the next couple of weeks I’d spoken to Ruth about seeing Jessica and we had even sorted a day, date and time… 24 hours before I was due to see Jessica I got another shock, Ruth told me I had to go to see her today and not tomoz, I was home alone with my kids and I can’t drive what do I do, I must of called about 10 people all of them where at work or busy etc, I’d lost my chance to see Graham and Ruths sleeping princess and there was nothing I coud do…Until we meet Jessicaxxx All My Love Auntie Caroline. (mummy`s best friend)xxx